Post your Chuck Norris jokes here

I'm not quite sure if this is a game or not, but I haven't heard a Chuck Norris joke in a while, so I decided to post this thread. Gribbz gave me the idea with his post in Husky's thread. I'll start.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.


Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

Chuck Norris as two speeds: walk and kill.


There is no chin under Chuck Norris beard, just another fist.


Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in three moves.

Thought this one was pretty funny:

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once taught a class called "Ass Kicking 101". There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs and bedframes.

Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker at the end of WW2. He was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas when he goes to sleep.

The Titanic didn't sink by hitting an iceberg, it really hit Chuck Norris' chin as he was making his usual laps around the North Atlantic.

I think i win at this game lol.

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris

trett93 wrote:

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris

Your not supposed to use everyone you know... , oh well i guess.

Mhh, hus chuck noris?

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down

Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.

chuck norris once walked down a road with a massive stiffie ...
there were no survivers

Joycey wrote:

Mhh, hus chuck noris?

You are joking right?

i guess hes not.. i dont know him either...

me either who iss he?

OMG yall don't know who chuck norris is look at these:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Yc0OESVEQI
[img][/img]

[img][/img]